Parenting the Way God Parents by Katherine Koonce

          
            Nothing has drawn me deeper into surrender and dependency on God than being a parent.  Unfortunately, when I parent, I naturally gravitate toward what I learned or inherited when my parents parented me.  If I don’t consciously decide to focus on how God would have me parent, I may find myself “recycling” the same parenting approach of my parents…whether good or bad.  I’ve realized that I can’t do this parenting thing, or at least do it well, without God. 

Katherine Koonce, child development and learning specialist, reminds us that the best way is God’s way in her book Parenting the Way God Parents.  There are many aspects of our family heritage that we can pass down to our children.  Koonce challenges readers to take an inventory of those aspects of your heritage that God would have you pass to your children and those aspects that you should leave behind such as generational sin.  In my case, the Lord has convicted me of the generational sin of anger.  Koonce defines “excellence” in the way God defines it, giving parents a greater focus in how to parent their children.  It is tempting to define excellence by worldly standards and then to impose that onto our children.  I love the way Katherine distinguishes the difference between excellence and perfection.  She says “while it is possible to reach excellence…it is not possible to reach perfection.  When we lead children to believe that perfection is their goal, we guarantee that they will fail.  Perfection is like north.  You can head north, but you will never reach north.  North is a direction, not a destination.”

               Koonce also discusses the problem with striving for perfection.  Children who expect perfection of themselves or believe that their parents expect it of them, will eventually stop trying to measure up because no one can ever measure up to such a standard.  The risk is underachievement for children who expect perfection.  They often avoid trying new things or pursuing anything with energy.  Katherine also warns parents about  “how to exasperate a child.”  While it is important to teach our children that “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might” (Ecclesiastes 9:10),  we must not set our standards so high that we are never or rarely pleased.  Koonce believes that “we exasperate them when all their mistakes are met with corrections.”  She suggests that “whatever the range, leave a little room at the top for the child to wow us with better-than-required work.  Never tell a child that you expect all A’s…because even if he makes a 99 on a test, he’s still done no better than expected.  Rather, if his range is low B to mid A and he earns a 99, then he has performed above expectations and it’s time to dole out some praise!”

Parenting the Way God Parents will also help you:

• Discern valid rights from selfish wants for your children in this age of entitlement
• Be prepared for anger, and help your children prepare for it too
• Take an active, prayerful role in seeking God’s vision for your family
• Focus on shaping your children’s hearts, not just their behavior

              Katherine Koonce also delves into the subjects of abundance with our children, lessons of choices, devotion, disappointment, charity and generosity, patience, and mercy.  For most of us, we live a life of abundance relative to the rest of the world.  Koonce encourages us to teach our children that “part of living in abundance is knowing when you have had enough.”   It important to be a good steward of what the Lord has blessed us with remembering that “God is the Provider of everything.”  That means that if we have not used what we have been blessed with to advance God’s kingdom or benefit others within His kingdom, we have misused what we have been given.  You can encourage and teach your children by asking them:

• What earthly possessions or gifts has God given them?
• In what ways can they use those gifts to bless others?
• In what ways do their gifts get in the way of blessing others?

              One of my favorite chapters in Parenting the Way God Parents discusses patience in the parent and children.  Patience is one of the greatest ways to model the love of the Father to our children.  Katherine states, “If we love someone, we must adopt a posture of patience.”  She reminds parents that we cannot teach our children patience if we are not pursuing it ourselves.  Think about the times when you lack patience with your children, then take them straight to the Father.  Are they times when you are in a hurry or when your children are acting childishly?  Katherine offers practical ways in addressing your patience and fostering that virtue in your children.

        Parenting the Way God Parents is the parenting approach that embraces child rearing from an eternal perspective.  Katherine Koonce offers much wisdom and insight and encourages parents to draw near to our Heavenly Parent.  And, remember His promise that as we draw near to Him, He draws near to us.  There is no greater calling on us parents than to model God the Father before our children.