Proverbs continued in the "gentle and quiet spirit"

We have discovered the portrait of this Proverbs 31 woman, understanding her prayerfulness and the emphasis on her relationship with the Lord....knowing that it isn’t about all that she does and accomplishes.  Like what Pastor Bill said, “You don’t want the unimportant things to mean too much and the most important things to mean too little.”  The most important thing being our relationship with the Lord not what the house looks like and how orderly it appears or the food that’s served and how organic it is or the money that’s saved and how many coupons you’ve used.. In fact, Mathew 6:25 says, “do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear...Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.”  And in that same passage Mathew 6:33, God again reinforces the important thing... our relationship with Him when He says, “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.”  He promises that He takes care of us as we take care to seek Him.

But I don’t want to discount the many great and wonderful things that Proverbs 31 woman has done...as we discovered she provides food for her family and provides it well, raised children that rose and called her blessed, a savvy business lady, disciplined and trained children wisely and with faithful instruction, and balanced all this with strength, dignity, and laughter and we know from Proverbs 31:27 she “kept watch over the affairs of her household” with a godly sense of order.  She has done many things and many things well or many women have done many things for she is a composite of many different women.   But not one single woman has done all things at one time.  In God’s order, he has ordered things in seasons, by HIS design, for many reasons... to magnify HIS splendor, to deepen our gratitude...how grateful we are for the rains when we’ve had stretches of endless scorching days of heat(which rarely happens in Portland, I know) or how grateful we are for the least bit of the sun’s rays when we’ve had endless, unceasing days of rain(which does happen often in Portland)...So His seasons, then reflect His glory and splendor, deepen our gratitude, but they also give us hope as we realize as it says in Ecclesiastes 3:1 that there is “a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven” and that some things will pass into the next as do the seasons.  

But there are some things that do not pass through the seasons or at least, their importance doesn’t and they are seasonless.  One being her relationship with the Lord...that’s an important thing and a seasonless thing, and the other being her relationship with her husband.  Yes, we spoke about many of her attributes and qualities that are irrespective of her marital status, but once married, she is faithful to reflect her faithfulness in Christ in her faithfulness to her husband... in many ways, and I’m not talking in the just “sticking it out with him" way.  

Proverbs 31: 10-12: “A wife of noble character who can find?  She is worth far more than rubies.  Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.  She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”  All the days of her life...that means that does not move with the seasons.  It goes all the days of her life.  And it was no mistake that those 6 words were included, “all the days of her life” distinguishing that some things are within season and some are seasonless.  Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value... what are those things that our husbands value.  We should offer them to him as part of our ministry to the Lord...”serving him as if we were serving the Lord.”  Colossians 3:23   Respect being one of the first things.  “the wife must respect her husband.”  Ephesians 5:33...and there is no “disclaimer” excluding those husband that you may deem disrespectable or any “opt out clause” for husbands that we feel don’t deserve our respect.  It simply says “the wife must respect her husband.”  This may be difficult for some for many reasons.  I won’t begin to say that I can understand your relationship with your husband or the kind of man he is or better yet, the kind of man you think he should be and isn’t.  God simply says, “the wife must respect her husband.”  And how ever that may look like within your marriage, is by God’s design.  You can seek wisdom from Him on this through His word, godly counseling, mentors, encouragers.  But do not stop seeking ways to respect him.  And yes, even if He does not believe.  

Some of you know that I married an unbeliever.  1 Peter 3:1 “Wives, in the same way, be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they maybe won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”  There it is again... an emphasis on our relationship with the Lord... by the words “the purity and reverence of our lives.”  Then it goes on to say, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.  Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”  

You know I’m humbled, greatly by this sharing... and I hated the thought of sharing on these passages at this time.  For the great and most part, my husband and I enjoy a deep and intimate fellowship that’s light and fun much of the time but deeply romantic at the same time.  But just this weekend, I struggled in being that “gentle and quiet spirit” and in my pride I think I was more of a “rough and loud spirit”   Oh, I didn’t have to raise my voice to him.  My spirit did that for me, and my husband heard it loud and clear.  What did it look like?  Well, it wasn’t that pretty... you saw it in my countenance, my tone, my inflections, and my stance.  You see,  the words “Ok, I’ll do what you want me to do... you are the head of the house!!”  “I care about you and you doing the right thing for our boys!”  Really?  Well that so called “care” is just so well, not caringly said.  He smiled and I knew he caught saw my spirit that was anything other than “gentle and quiet.”  

When I shared with my husband what I would be sharing with my class, his eyes filled with the gloss of tears.  He whispered, “Jenni, you have to remember it was that ‘gentle and quiet spirit’ that aided me to believe one day”...there were many things that helped him along the way but the biggest thing was the Holy Spirit.  And he could only hear the Spirit when mine was “gentle and quiet.”  You see, my husband is a a man through and through.  And, He doesn’t want to be led by a domineering wife, I believe that no man does.  

We talked about Proverbs 31: 27 “She watches over the affairs of her household”  And Dayna shared in such a way that keep the right order of things.  For God is a God of order...1 Corinthians 14:33 “For God is not a God of disorder but of peace”.... His Order is God, first, husband second, children, third... by the way, your children should never upsurp the order that rightfully belongs to God.  And they should never upsurp the order that rightfully belongs to your husband.  I’ve often seen families where children came before all, and that’s when the family risks a fall.  

I encourage you to nurture your relationship with the Lord first and husbands second.  Nurture your relationship with your husband in many ways... yes, as many counsel, date or court your husband.  But you don’t have to leave your home or plan a special date to nurture your husband or even spend money.  You can nurture your relationship in the every day without leaving your home or spending a dime.  Here are some of the ways I have chosen to nurture my marriage in the "everyday":

1. Greet your husband when he comes home with a warm hello, I love you, and strong embrace.
2. Pray for your husband every day, throughout the day.
3. Ask your husband how you can be praying for him each morning.
4. Hold hands in bed.
5. Support and uphold him in front of the children.
6. Praise him in front of others including his own friends.
7. Praise him in front of his own children, even when he’s not there.
8. Dream about him...talk about his ambitions, goals, and visions.  
9. Allow him to protect you- hide in his chest during a tense scene in a movie.
10. Make your bed everyday.
11. Take the tv out of your bedroom.
12. Keep fresh flowers in your room next to your bedside.
13. Keep your room tiday and preserve the sanctity of your bedroom.
14. Fold his socks and underwear neatly.
15. Use terms of endearment to address each other.  This becomes such a habit that it even shows up in arguments.
16. Write love letters and mail them to him at work or at home.
17. Leave post it with love notes in places he’ll find later
18. Tell him how amazingly sexy he is.... and I can go more on this, but I’ll stop there.

The Proverbs 31 woman was generously compassionate

In these last weeks, we have been discovering the portrait of the Proverbs 31 woman.  The first week we discovered the Proverbs 31 woman is not the Perfect 31 woman.  She is the Prayerful 31 woman.  She is not a portrait of one single woman but a composite or aggregate of many capable women.  Her portrait does not focus on her acquired abilities, given talents, all her accomplishments, or even her marital status... the focus is on her relationship with the Lord.  Proverbs 31:30 “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”  Proverbs 31 woman is a woman who has a heart after God’s own heart.

We learned that one of her top priorities is feeding her family...”she provides food for her family...” Proverbs 31:15  She raises children that rise to call her blessed as we saw in Proverbs 31:28.  

She is financially savvy, an astute business woman who even invested in real estate.  She is so successful that she expanded her business venture to include a vineyard and even traded for a profit.  She is a responsible and wise steward which also includes the fact that she is compassionate toward the poor and needy.  And she demonstrates her compassion with concrete acts of mercy not just by word and tongue but through action and deed.

She is a wise steward who also knows the importance of giving back to God.  She and her house give back to God.  She most likely tithes.  Tithing literally means a tenth and many scholars believe in 10% of the gross as “first fruits” refer to the gross of your earnings.  In Malachi, God says, “Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house.  Test me in this, “says the Lord Almighty and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it.”  It’s almost saying that God challenges you to dare Him to bless you... Come one, see that I won’t bless you because I have just the mind to do it!

She is a multi-faceted, capable, virtuous and noble woman of great strength and valor.  Wisdom and faithful instruction are on her tongue Proverbs 31:26.  How and where does she obtain wisdom?  

“Turn your ear to wisdom and apply your heart to understanding and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding... then you will understand the fear of the Lord and then find the knowledge of God.”  For the Lord gives wisdom and from His mouth come knowledge and understanding.  

Remember wisdom is not from our own thoughts and mind, our gut, our own feelings and emotions.  For that type of wisdom leans on our own understanding and is not trustworthy.  But instead trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.   

Proverbs 31 woman is many things and one of the things she is... is that she is clothed with strength and dignity, she can laugh at the days to come.”  Proverbs 31:25  That she is clothed with a strength and dignity or valor is saying that she is clothed with a strength that does not come from herself but from the strength of God’s might.  With Christ and His might, she faces trials and testing with confidence... almost to say “Bring it!”  Because she trusts in the Lord completely, she can laugh at the days to come.

Not just with word and tongue but in action and deed

 

Proverbs 31 woman…as we discussed last week, the Proverbs 31 woman is not the perfect 31 woman, but the prayerful 31 woman.  She is an ideal woman who serves as a timeless example.  As this passage was written back in the days of Solomon, it was written in ancient times, but the teachings are just as applicable today as they were back then.  So the Proverbs 31 woman is a timeless example of virtue, responsibility, and good sense. 

She is not any single woman, but she is a composite or aggregate of many capable women.  No one excels at everything.  And although the Proverbs 31 woman is described as a married woman, marriage and motherhood are not prerequisites for the successful Christian walk for a woman.  The essential characteristics of the Proverbs 31 woman can be applied to the single woman, too.  I believe that Proverbs 31 woman is a portrait of ideal womanhood…giving us an example for us to strive for.  The focus of this portrait is not on her specific abilities, her high performance, or even marital status.  The focus of Proverbs 31 woman is on her relationship with God.  She realizes that regardless of all of her natural talents or acquired skills or even her charm and her beauty, all that is fleeting or temporary.  Proverbs 31:30 “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”   

Proverbs 31 is a poem as is much of the passages in Proverbs and Psalms.  In fact there are the books of the Bible that scholars refer to as the Books of Wisdom and they include Job, Psalms, Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and Song of Solomon.  Did you know that Proverbs 31 is an acrostic poem?  An acrostic is a poem form in which the first letter of each line or verse spells out a word or phrase or in some specific order, such as alphabetical. 

Begining with verse 10, Proverbs 31 consists of 22 verses. Each verse begins with a different letter of the Hebrew alphabet (in proper order).   In Proverbs 31, each verse is also clearly divided into two parts (for example, in verse 10---Part 1:  A wife of noble character who can find?   Part 2:  She is worth far more than rubies. This same two-part format is found in all of these verses. The only exception might be verse 15 which seems to be divided into three parts.

“A wife of noble character who can find?  She is worth far more than rubies. “ The Hebrew word chayil, translated here “noble” or “virtuous” means a woman of valor – a strong, capable woman with strong convictions.  I believe that the Proverbs 31 woman is not a mousy, timid, weak-willed woman driven by fleeting emotions or temporary circumstance…she is a strong, capable woman with strong convictions.  This is not to say that she may or may not be soft spoken and gentle because there are passages specifically in 1 Peter 3 that describes a woman of great worth in the sight of God as being one with an unfading beauty of gentle and quiet spirit.  By the way, rubies are mentioned here probably because they are more rare and more difficult to mine than even diamonds…rubies of perfect quality.

The Proverb 31 woman is described as being financially savvy, an astute business woman.  She is a good steward of what the Lord has blessed her with.  It describes her as being involved in real estate…for she considers a field and buys it and out of her earnings from that she plants a vineyard.  She is wise in her management of household resources…she even sells her linen garments.  But part of being a wise steward is also having the wisdom and discernment in knowing how to give. 

In verse 20, Proverbs 31 woman is described as having compassion toward the poor and needy and she shows her compassion with concrete deeds of mercy.  She loves the poor, not in word or in tongue only, but also in deed and in truth (1 John 3:16-18).

 There are many ways to show compassion in deed and action.  Consider the man on the corner…consider carrying meal vouchers in your car, bottled water, healthy food items, or gift certificates.  Consider carrying tracts or words of encouragement to hand out.  Not only do you consider their physical needs but their spiritual needs as well which is eternal and more impactful. 

Share with your children how you and your husband tithe and give. 

Consider sponsoring a "Compassion" child through www.compassion.com.  You can sponsor a child in almost any country for about $38 a month.  When you sponsor a child, you'll receive your child's photo, personal story and a child sponsorship packet by mail in approximately 15 days.  As you exchange letters, send photos and offer encouragement in Jesus' name, your love will bring hope to your sponsored child that will last a lifetime.

The point is that the Proverbs 31 woman is a compassionate woman who loves on the poor and needy with concrete acts of mercy by her actions and deeds not just words and tongue. 

May God give you each much wisdom and discernment in how to best meet the needs of those with whom God puts you in contact whether it be the man on the side of the road with a sign or a  barefoot child in the rural jungle of Zimbabwe that you will never meet in person just through photos.  For Jesus said in Mathew 25:40 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'

May we do it all for Jesus.

Proverbs 31...not the Perfect 31...but the Prayerful 31

Last Tuesday, I led and spoke to an amazing group of young women who eagerly seek to grow in the Lord.  I facilitate a class targeted toward women who are trying to raise a family by God's wisdom and His design.  Proverbs 31 serves as our inspiration and guide, and Scripture and Spirit steer our direction.  I shared something I didn't want to or plan on sharing... but something that I felt quite led to share.  I shared to help build a frame work for everything else that would be shared in the next coming weeks.  This is what I said...

Growing up, my family and I attended church...although sporadically, when we could and when it was convenient..always on Christmas and Easter, but never regularly and definitely not wholeheartedly.  Church was stressful for our family, on the way there and on the way back, and rarely enjoyable for me.  However, I want to stress that I was blessed with a mom and dad who loved me dearly and deeply and each other with great devotion, but I also experienced great hurts which took great and intense time to heal.  In fact, I remember very little of my childhood because of that... However, I do remember somethings.  I remember leading my brothers and sister in prayer...I was the eldest and I would lead them in prayer late at night after my parents went to bed and closed their doors... I remember wanting to read the Bible and starting in the book of Genesis which I figured was just all in Greek anyway... but what I especially recall are the many, many nights I cried myself to sleep.  And as I got older, I shared some of my hurts and pains with some of my trusted and closest friends and none with with my family but most of them I endured alone.  

So, as a result, I entered my young adulthood with much baggage, pain, and heartache.... including the first years of my marriage, although I married the love of my life...my high-school sweet heart, my very best friend, my closest advisor, and my greatest encourager.  

Generational sin had afflicted my family of origin, and I was not immune or protected from it... I confess anger, bitterness, and pride didn’t just creep into my marriage, it dominated it!  But by the mighty grace of God, his New Beginnings, and His tender mercies, I found healing.  Oh, I am far, far, far from perfect but now walking in victory.  How I ask myself?  By many ways...one of those ways...through the many servants He placed in my way to nurture, encourage, and to love on me in such a way that I never realized as a young girl.  I never saw godly parenting modeled for me, let alone knew what a godly marriage should look like.  Sadly, my poor, sweet, husband can attest to that.  Through ministries here at Rolling Hills such as Hearts at Home, Tapestries (which is a discipleship ministry), the many Bible studies I couldn’t get enough of, God flooded my life with examples of those who taught me how to parent and be the wife He wanted me to be.  You see, I was so hungry, I was desperate... which made me very teachable.   

And I will confess to you all, I still struggle and fail, but failure and struggle have been my greatest teachers which force me to repentance each and every single time.   

And another confession... I have had to roll up my sleeves and “work” at family.  Sadly, unlike some of my girlfriends and others I know, it doesn’t come naturally for me.  What does come naturally are those things of the flesh, not of the Holy Spirit’s.  Our family, like my family of origin, love each other deeply, but in my current, immediate family, we confess and profess our love openly to one another daily.  We have to... it’s what helps build family and our home.

A wise woman builds her home; a foolish one tears hers down by her own hands”  Proverbs 14:1

So as we began, I prayed that the message would inspire all the women there to create for themselves the home God wants them to build...however that might look...knowing each one is unique.  The Proverbs 31 woman is not the Perfect 31 woman...But, just like north, I believe she is a direction...not a destination you will magically and miraculously eventually find yourself one day  but a direction we face at the start of each day... remembering His mercies are new each day.

And one of the things that has helped me become a better mom is letting go of being a "perfect" mom.  In doing so, I have been able to see my imperfections and take all of my imperfections, shortcomings, and failings to the Lord in prayer.  So, the Proverbs 31 woman is not the Perfect 31 woman.  She is the Prayerful 31 woman.