Thursday, June 10, 2010

To Train Up a Child by Michael and Debi Pearl



Why I will not recommend this book?

Although the authors love God and espouse only that which follows God’s Word, they add much that is manufactured through their own counsel and experience and that goes beyond what God says.  God commands that we do not add or subtract from His Word. (Deuteronomy 4:2)

Michael advises parents to spank on the legs.  (p. 62)   Although the Bible does not specify body part to be spanked, I myself, after prayerful reflection, believe that a child’s bottom is reserved for this type of discipline.  The spirit of the spanking is effectively conveyed in spanking the child’s bottom at the same time leaving pain that will smart temporarily and most likely not bruise.

            Michael Pearl also shares an example of disciplining a child but one that is not his.  He explained of a time that he and his wife, Debi, were watching children of other families.  (p. 68)   Debi employed spanking on one of the young boys for what she felt was defiance (not playing with a specific toy when instructed).  The scenario rang with a spirit of  “lording over another”, in this case, Debi “lording” over the child.  No where in the Bible does it encourage, instruct, or command others to discipline children other than their own.

Each time I read part of the book and put it down to tend to my own children, I felt a graceless spirit emerge.  My spirit would move to a hardened place that sought to uphold only rules, laws, and legalism with no concern for my children’s heart or character.  I felt the book throughout lacked grace in its teaching and even admitted that its intention and purpose was solely training and discipline and not character building.  (p. 5)  The two are not exclusive of each other and training with one (discipline) and not the other (character) is incomplete and rendered ineffective.

Michael Pearl also advises that if your child were “falsely accused and you have doubts about his guilt, you should determine that he has been falsely accused, tell him, and then quietly drop the matter.  Don’t let him see your defensiveness on his behalf.” (p. 85)  Something rings horribly wrong and ungodly, when you don’t uphold righteousness, whether for your child or another or anyone for that matter.  You are God’s ambassador and you must uphold righteousness.  “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves”  Proverbs 31… this may be even more applicable for children and especially those in your flock.  Allow your children to see that you seek truth in all things indiscriminately, including your own children!

Michael Pearl also encourages parents to spank at infancy. (pp. 84, 91) I do NOT know of anywhere in the Bible the Lord would command spanking at infancy.  Where spanking is spoken of, it references a child, NOT an infant.  I would NOT recommend spanking an infant for spanking is effective to the extent that a child understands the purpose and goal of training, discipline, and character.  A baby obviously, has NO understanding of such things yet.  In my understanding of God’s Word, spanking an infant goes beyond his Word.

The Pearls tactics in disciplining and training their children are questionable and bordering unethical.  The example of how Pearl taught his children to not play close to the water is one that should never be practiced by anyone.  In his attempt to teach his daughter, who was only 7 months old at the time, to keep away from the pond, Pearl allowed her to near the pond.   When she was close enough, he pushed her in… intentionally.  He “just nudged her with his foot.” (p. 70) He shares that even his wife “took several hours to begin breathing normally” after the event, probably from the shock of the training.  Although Pearl concludes that this illustration is not meant to be mimicked but to help describe the kind of training they practice, this training seems abusive and outrageous.

To Train Up a Child by Michael and Debi Pearl is a complete distortion of Scripture and is nothing short of abusive, “lording over” children, and ungodly.  Their faith and trust in God of the Bible is not in question, but their practice is.  And as teachers, such as the Pearls, they are under greater scrutiny and “judged more strictly”. (James 3:1)  This book should not be in publication or circulation for the many reasons mentioned.

                            To Train Up a Child


2 comments:

  1. Wait wait wait, she was SEVEN MONTHS?
    I thought she was older than that!

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  2. If you refer to page 70 you will read where the Pearls recaps the incident about Sholom being taught to play away from the water. Michael Pearl remembers that Shalom learned to walk at 7 months...so the "learning process" probably happened at 7 months or close to that time. The point is that it was an intentional "nudge" that pushed the young infant or toddler into the water. There rings an ungodly spirit behind this act. It is of course, a noble and critical end that children learn to steer from danger such as playing close to the water at a time they cannot swim. But it is equally just as important the means to that end...insuring that our means, tactics, and principles remain just as godly as our goals.

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